Tuesday, October 23, 2012

On My Mind...

I've had so much on my mind the past few days, I've been procrastinating writing.
Part of me wants to write every detail that's racing through my brain,
but the other part of me wants to keep some of it to myself (this is the part I'm choosing).
I realize some things are better kept private, although I want to be open and honest in my posts.
I also realize there are some things that are okay to leave between me and God.
 And other things I couldn't accurately convey, so I won't attempt!

Do you ever feel the weight of the world?
Not necessarily on your own shoulders to deal with all alone, but just the sheer weight of it?
All the struggles and hurts and needs out there that only God can ultimately handle?
I've had one of those weeks.
 I have them semi-often, but this week I felt the enormousness of it all.
It was overwhelming to me...still is. I'm not able to process it all, it's just too much.
I'm not trying to be a debbie-downer and dwell on negative things. But the Lord has really laid on my heart how incredibly blessed I am...which in turn has made me more inclined than ever to be a blessing to others in any way I can.
On my heart are all the people out there going to bed hungry...
or worse, watching their kids go to bed hungry.
The millions babies in the world who don't have a single person to love them.
The women who have been sold into sex slavery.
Child slavery.
The list could go on and on, obviously.

What's my point in all this??
Let me try to be concise (this is where I have a million thoughts all jumbled up, but I will just share a few)
First of all, talking about these issues isn't really popular, or fun...it's uncomfortable, and the overwhelming majority of American's attitudes is that it's way too big a problem to be fixed.
That was my attitude at one point.
It was too hard, too sad to think about, and seemed pointless since it seemed like what I, one person, did couldn't make a dent in things.
So I sat. I pushed aside the sad feelings and went about my business, living my blessed happy little life, trying not to think too much about the suffering part of humanity.
I'm guilty.
But a few years ago, through a book I was reading, as well as two passages in the Bible that I kept ending up at (Matt 25 and Isaiah 58), God wrecked my heart.
He totally changed me on the inside. However, I didn't really know what to do, where to start.
This has been an ongoing journey for me for sometime now.

Small segway:
I used to laugh at my husband when he would talk about changing the world.
I am ashamed to say, I even discouraged him at times, saying 'you're only one person, just do what you can do and don't worry about the rest.' (He's a teacher, and has huge ambitions for changing the entire trajectory of the way the young generation is headed...a seemingly impossible task, but one he is moved by God to attempt and do his part as much as he is able).
Well, I understand what he meant now.
I want to change the world.
Not in the same way he does; our passions aren't the same. God has instilled in each of us a heart for different things, but now we support each other.
If everyone had the attitude I once had (why try, do what you can do, let bygones be bygones, don't stress about what you can't change), what a pathetic place the world would be.
There are thousands of ministries out there helping millions of suffering people.
Each ministry started because
 ONE person had a heart to see hurting stop somewhere, and decided to MOVE where God told them to move.

I read something recently that really hit home for me...nailed my thoughts right on the head.
It was along the lines of this:
I'm just an ordinary girl. Nothing spectacular. Why in the world would God want to use me? He certainly doesn't need me! But...he created me for a purpose...I'm here, now, for a purpose, and he wants to use me. If only I am obedient and will let him.

I guess that's where I'm going with all this.
I can't sit and be idle. No more excuses. No more saying I'm gonna practice what I preach, and then breaking down (ahem...Starbucks habit I blogged about a few weeks ago?) and making excuses for myself. As my husband told me, consistency is key for making change.

Ok I'm almost done, but one quick thing I want to add that goes along with all this. Simple but powerful if you really think about it:
We are supposed to do the right thing all the time...regardless of whether we can see an immediate outcome resulting from our actions.
This can be applied in so many areas of our life and how we impact those around us and the ripple effect we create without even knowing it.
Where does it apply for you?
I ask myself the same.

I don't know how my life will play out. Only God knows.
But I will tell you this...I'm seeking his will daily and will be obedient, even if it means being uncomfortable sometimes.
My attitude does not remain that I'm only one person, that I can't do much.
My attitude is that I am a humble servant of Christ...and through Christ all things are possible.
If I am willing, if you are willing, who's to say you or I can't make an impact on the world?
It won't be me saying it anymore!

1 comment:

  1. perhaps this is why you've been in the forefront of my mind, and thus prayers, here lately!