Sooo...like I said in an earlier post, I have so much going on in my mind right now when it comes to thinking about the fact that in 4 short weeks (give or take), I'll have another baby.
Get ready for a huge conglomeration of thoughts that may or may not be coherent!
If nothing makes sense, blame it on hormones, or the raging headache that is being so stubborn and not going away like it was told to.
Thought #1: Nervousness.
Over what? Glad you asked. Mostly giving birth again. It wasn't a pleasant experience the first time (not that it's super fun for anyone). 31 hours of labor, three hours of pushing. That warrants fear for the next time right?
Brad and I did have a class with a friend who's a doula, and just being more informed, having her give us some ideas for natural methods of pain management helped my mindset quite a bit. The fear is gone, but the nervousness is still reality. I'm working on it.
This one is pretty obvious. Of course I'm excited for Lily to be born!
I can't wait to see what she looks like.
What color hair will she have? How big will she be?--wait, that question takes me back to nervousness.
Something about the thought of getting to snuggle up to a brand new teeny tiny baby is exciting in and of itself.
And excitement over our family going from three to four in an instant is amazing to think about.
3. My third emotion can't really be summed up into a word. It's the unknown, but it's not fear, not excitement; it's neither good nor bad. Just a pondering of the unknown future that is soon to be.
So many questions.
How will Addison handle having things? Will she understand at her fragile little age that we still love her just as much as ever, even though we have another to love?
Will this baby be easy natured or colicky like her sister was?
How the heck am I supposed to go anywhere with TWO??? I know this sounds ridiculous to anyone who already has two or more kids, but admit it, you had the same thoughts!
Will I be able to pull it together when I'm exhausted from sleepless nights and still be a good mom?
Will the girls ever nap together so that I can nap too?
Will they keep each other entertained in the back seat, or will one's crying set the other off crying too?
How in the world do I keep Addison from getting into everything or getting hurt when I'm feeding Lily?
Over the fact that in a few weeks I won't be pregnant anymore!!!!
Sorry, I'm not complaining or anything. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, I know I know. It's amazing that there's a little life growing inside me. And I haven't had any life threatening complications to deal with, she is healthy, so am I for the most part. However, I will not lie and say that I love every moment of being pregnant. I'm not that person...but how nice if you are! Enjoy every second!
Ok, can I just talk about something else real quick?
I've had to distance myself from certain people for awhile. There is a LOT of moms who feel it necessary to inform me that my life is about to get really really hard and terrible for awhile.
"16 months apart? Oh, good luck with that! You're in for a rough time!"
I know they're just being honest, but why the uncontrollable urge to say that to someone you barely know, or someone you know well for that matter!
We wanted to have our first two kids close together. We realize there will be difficult times, but I think having a sibling close in age is a good thing...I didn't do it for my sanity, I did it because Brad and I both thought it was a good idea. We still do!!!
I realize there will be hard moments, and plenty of them.
But I so appreciate the few people in my life who have been and continue to be encouraging.
My cousin Debbie is one of them. She has three boys, and the first two were 18 months apart, I think.
She has so many positive things to say about it, and she genuinely enjoyed the stage that I'm about to embark on...having a newborn and a toddler. She doesn't lie and say it was super easy, but is able to look back and remember all the positive things, even though there were inevitable trials.
I need to call her!:)
Another girl I go to church with who has 4 under the age of five...she has an amazing and selfless attitude, and is always encouraging.
I've learned to let the negative comments roll off my back and not take them to heart. I know these people aren't trying to be negative. It does make me very aware of myself and who I want to be.
I want to be sure that my words to others build them up and encourage them, not tear down and discourage. This does not mean lying...we are called to speak the truth...in love.
I pray that when people think of me, they think of the time my words helped them through a rough day, or how they were anxious over something, and I offered a calming, encouraging word that shed fresh new light on their situation. I want to be positive and speak life.
The Bible has so much to say about speaking life to others to refresh their soul and bring a smile...
I pray I do that!
I pray I do that!
"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." Prov 12:25
"...he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." Prov 11:25
"The tongue has the power of life and death." Prov 18:21
Last little thoughts...
Apparently I'm huge...everywhere I go, people comment that I must be due any day. They can't seem to believe I have four more weeks to go. One nice lady informed me today that I'm probably carrying a ten pound baby and good luck with it.
I think I look a pretty normal 36 weeks prego, personally! Oh well.
Do I need a new diaper bag? I think so...a super cute one that has pockets galore so I can be excessively organized:)
I get to do fun little exercises everyday because Lily is faced the wrong way, and apparently labor could be a whole lot shorter and easier if she turns her little self around in there.
I'll do whatever exercises the doctor says if it'll help labor!!!
The little underlying competition between so many women bugs me.
I shouldn't let it get in my head, but I'm apparently not yet above it.
I'm talking about who does and doesn't have epidurals.
If you do have one, you feel like you have to have a medical excuse for giving in and getting one. You can't possible bear the humiliation of admitting that it HURT and you thought you were going to die in the moment, so you asked for the drugs! Or, if you went 'all natural', you tell everyone! Which makes those of us in the room, us 'weak' women, who did have some sort of medicine to help us along, feel totally inadequate at the whole giving birth!
It's stupid, but like I said, I haven't risen above this yet.
I want to have Lily with no drugs at all because I know it's totally possible and it's best for her health and mine. But I also want to have her with no drugs, just to say I did it! And that is not a good motivation.
All that said, if I get an epidural...you better bet I'll have a darn good 'reason' for having to get it!
Just kidding. Kind of.