Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Waiting

It's 6:30 in the morning, I have my coffee and computer in the bed, the house is perfectly quiet,
the perfect conditions for writing, which I've been wanting to do because I've had a lot on my mind...
and my mind has gone blank!!
Does that ever happen to you? You have so many things swimming around in your thoughts that when you go to talk about it, or write it down or whatever your mode of processing is, you go blank?
Frustrating. It's what happens to me when I do my Bible study devotions, get spiritually spanked at church Sunday morning, eavesdrop on the pod cast my husband is listing to, and read too much John Piper. I get overwhelmed and instead of processing and growing, I shut down.
But I'm going to sip my peppermint mocha and pray awhile and wake up fully and we'll see what happens:)
.......
And now Lily Grace is awake, so I maybe I'll write tonight sometime!
.......
8:00, Lily is back asleep and Addison is awake but happily talking to herself in her crib, so I have roughly 20 minutes...
My brain is still swimming with too many fish, but I've at least narrowed it down to what I want to focus on today.

Yesterday in Bible study, we talked about 'rain' and 'deserts'.
Rain, as in when you can totally feel God in your life...you are sure of his presence with you...he is speaking into your heart, maybe calling you to something great...you see him easily as you look at a beautiful sunrise...the Word is alive to you and speaks directly to your heart.
Then, there is the desert...when God feels like he's suddenly dropped out of the picture...you feel like you messed up one to many times and he's left you...the thing he called you to do you start questioning: was it really from God, or just your imagination...you feel dried up spiritually...your faith is weak because you can't feel God with you.

Here's what really spoke to my heart:
We all have a high calling. God has a great purpose for every single one of his children.
He will, at some point in our life, reveal that calling to us...most likely during a period in our life when it's 'raining'. Maybe he will give us a specific idea of what that is, maybe vague, but we will feel inspired and excited...and then comes the desert.
Where did he go? Was all of that real?
Yes! That's what I learned yesterday. Yes, it was, and is real.
He reveals a purpose for us, and then often times sends us to the desert, where we are refined and molded to best fulfill his purpose for us.
It is in the desert that faith becomes real. It's easy to have faith when God feels so near us, but when he seems distant, our faith is put to the test and we have the opportunity to grow.

I am encouraged, personally.
This past summer, I had huge dreams that I truly felt were from the Lord.
I was inspired. It wasn't a crystal clear picture, but ideas that were exciting.
Then came the season of taking care of a newborn and a one-year-old...and suddenly my ideas seem like a distant past and I question if it was God at all.

Now I think I understand.
It was God. And God is still there. It's time for me to wait. Wait on him.
Whether it lasts one year or five (or more!), this is a time for me to let him do what he needs to do in my life. To prepare me for whatever the future holds. I have to have faith that the ideas he put on my heart are still a reality, but that they will be in God's perfect timing, not mine.
I hope this is encouragement for someone else out there going through a desert...take heart! God is as close to you as ever:) Press on, even if you can't 'feel' him. He's there.

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