My heart is so full of what I want out of life it aches. I want to accomplish so much it seems impossible.
I'm not talking about climbing the rungs of society...not getting a high paying job, a nicer car, a bigger house, money to travel (although some traveling would be nice!), a more up-to-date wardrobe or an athletes body (ha!).
No, I'm talking about a desire that burns so much more than any material thing I could possibly want.
It's a desire to make much of my short life on this temporary home we live in called earth.
Our lives are like a vapor...here today, gone tomorrow (James 4:14),and we are called to make the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16).
It's simple: Our lives are short and we are to make them count.
In my idealistic world...
I would never get angry or frustrated, or lose my patience, or speak rudely or be quick to anger with my husband or my children.
I would consistently follow my 'life verse', being joyful always, praying continually, giving thanks in all circumstances.
We would make enough money to live on half, give away half. As Jen Hatmaker says, loving our neighbor as ourself in a tangible, literal way.
Every single choice I made would have a positive impact on someone else. The products I choose to buy, the words that come out of my mouth, the smiles I give, the activities I choose to participate in, the spare time I spend...
Well. This is real life.
Unfortunately, I will inevitably get mad and harsh words I regret will come out.
I will have a hard day and forget to pray my way through it or be joyful in the midst of it.
I will make choices that won't be the best, unintentionally or because I give into my flesh.
I will most likely waste spare time here and there.
And as of right now, we are no where close to being able to give as much as we want, financially.
Here's the beauty of it all:
If you or I could live up to the standards we set for ourselves in our 'ideal world', there would be no need for Christ in our lives. No need for a savior. If we could be perfect here and now, we would never need to rely on Jesus; we would be self-reliant and fail to see our desperate need for him. We would be so enormously full of pride that when we finally fell, we would fall hard.
But by God's grace, not by any efforts we make, but by his grace alone, he can move us closer and closer to being like him. He can help us meet those ideals. We will mess up, but with him there's forgiveness and we get to try again, free of guilt. I know he put specific desires in my heart, and he has broken my heart for specific things. And if I surrender all to him, I truly believe that he will use me to do more than I can imagine for his Kingdom. That ache in my heart is just a seed God has placed in there, and as I water it with the Word and in prayer, He will make it grow into a beautiful ministry that I have yet to know the details of. But I'm excited. I know it's coming in His time, and I'm learning to wait on him. Learning to be patient. Learning what it is to truly give my life away to my Creator.
And that has given me peace that I desperately needed.
Have a blessed week friends!