Thursday, August 15, 2013

Today...


There's a phrase that everyone and their brother likes to say to me. In fact, I've heard it at least once a week since Addison was born, so much that I politely smile and nod and agree without thinking much of it. If you're a mom toting around little ones, you probably hear it all the time too. The comment: "Enjoy them while it lasts...it goes so quick!" Always said with a slightly wistful look. As if they would give anything to step back in time and get to hold their little babies in their arms again. For some reason, I recently started really thinking about that statement, and it actually sunk in. I finally heard it and decided to listen to that wise advice. That this time really will go fast--it already is. It seems like so far away, but I know it will seem like no time has passed and suddenly I'll be sending Addison and Lily off to Kindergarten...then sitting at their high school graduations. Watching my babies get married and have families of their own. And I'll long for the sweet, simple days when I got to just hold them, hug them, read to them, watch them sleep, push them on the swing. I want to enjoy today.


Today I was a good mom. I'm not bragging saying I'm awesome or should get the mom of the year award or anything. I'm just saying, I was the kind of mom I want to be, but don't always live up to being. I have a picture, an ideal set in my mind of how each day with my girls should be, and rarely do I meet my own expectations, but today I did, and I am going to bed feeling more satisfied and full than normal. I want to make this the norm, and as I was driving home tonight from a friends house, I prayed so hard that God would help me to have more days like today.


Today...

I set aside my own agenda and made playing, really playing with Addison and Lily my priority. 
As in being down on the ground, giggling right along with them, having fun with them, not just supervising while doing whatever else I'm doing. As in keeping the computer closed and phone far away. It was fun and I could tell from the look in Addison's eyes that she was loving every minute. Soaking up mommy time...and I, likewise was soaking up daughter time.

Today...

I was patient. It takes enormous effort to be consistently patient with a two-year-old, especially a strong willed, determined two-year-old! But today for some reason, I was patient and gracious with her all day long, and the funny thing is, I enjoyed the day much more than the days I allow myself to be impatient with her.

Today...

I made it my goal to make sure the girls had a fun day. Nothing more, nothing less. Just plain, pure fun. Because that's what being a kid is about (not that I'm minimizing the importance of training them and teaching them what's important and right). Adulthood comes soon enough with responsibilities and work and lots of hard things, but right now, play is important. So, I turned Pandora to kids music and danced silly dances with Addison while Lily giggled at us and we played games on the floor and went for a walk and went to the park and ate ice cream...it was definitely a fun filled day!

Today...

I read to Addison more than usual. Not annoyed that she wanted me to read the same book for the umpteenth time, but instead, soaking up and truly enjoying the time that she wanted to be sitting snuggled up in my lap listening to me read her favorite books. We read a lot today, and I can honestly say I enjoyed it. Just seeing her so happy made me so happy. This, this is what life is all about right now.


All this said, all of these expectations I have of myself met for once, a near perfect day...I was reminded by our pastor today to give myself grace. To not expect perfection. He came over to chat with us before we have Lily dedicated on Sunday, and he was asking each of us what we have been doing to maintain our walk with the Lord, and how we are raising our girls to know Him. I quickly answered how I've been noticing lately that Addison copies everything I do, and how I know I can't drop the ball now that she's getting older. That I need to model Christ to her and not screw up. (Yes, I just said that. Ridiculous I know.) This is just how I think ok! All or nothing. So for me, I automatically think "Never screw up again!", which is an obvious setup for massive failure. So the kind reminder from my pastor to give myself grace was just what I needed to hear. Not every day will be perfect. I'll lose my cool. I'll turn on Sesame Street to preoccupy them so I can have a moment to myself. That's life. But I'll set the bar high, because to set it low would be cheating these precious little ones that God has entrusted to me. And when I don't quite reach that high bar, I'll look to Him for grace upon grace, and start afresh each day looking to Him to help me, not to be perfect, but to be the mom he made me to be and the mom he made my kids to need.


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