The leaves are turning. There is no denying that fall is upon us, despite 80 degree afternoons lingering into late September. We've walked everywhere the past two days and I've got to soak up the beauty that is just starting...I noticed several trees that are still green and fully alive, except for one tiny little spot, a cluster of maybe 20 leaves bright yellow that have emerged, telling those trees along with the rest...change is coming. It's inevitable.
There's something about the changing of seasons that makes my heart leap. Whether it's seeing the first snow flakes quietly fall from the sky and leave the slightest dusting on the ground and making a cup of cocoa to enjoy bundled up on the porch swing; Or hearing the first Meddowlark chirp and feeling in my soul that winter really is finally going to make it's exit and Spring is on it's way; Or the day it's finally warm enough to load up the stroller and head out on a Saturday morning to hit farmer's market and stroll around downtown in the warm sunshine. Although I'm a summer girl, strangely enough, the change from summer to fall is the season that makes my heart the happiest. Hearing those early fall leaves crunch under my feet and starting to see shades of orange, yellow and red, a crispness to the air that makes your lungs want to breathe in deeper and indulge. The sundresses and flipflops getting switched out for blue jeans, boots and scarves (not snowboots and wool scarves! I'm talking about cute fall boots and scarves:) ). Harvest time...time for picking the remnants of the garden or going apple picking and making batches of homemade applesauce, soaking in the smell as it bubbles on the stovetop. Switching from crisp cold salads and food off the grill, to warm sauteed salads and hearty, savory soups and stews. It is a nice change. It's refreshing and makes my whole being feel so alive.
This fall as I see the leaves turning, some quickly going from green to yellow to fallen on the ground; others slowly...green...a few yellow...a few more orange...little by little turning fully orange before saying their goodbyes and gently breaking free from the tree to float away in the breeze; I sense a change in me. It's a slow one, like the tree slowly turning. It's painful in a way. I would prefer to be like the tree who knows what's going on and just gets it over with, but I'm not. Little by little, the Lord is directing my heart to shift this way and that. He's not revealing it all at once, but pieces day by day. It's going to be a beautiful and freeing shift, of that I'm sure, but not an easy one (is it ever easy?) I think of the leaves; how they have to die so that new ones can emerge in the spring; and so it is with our hearts. With our very lives even. We have to die to live, to fully live.
I'm not sure of everything right now, but one thing I know...
Many of the habits and routines I'm all too comfortable with have to go so that I can be more present in other things; things I think bring me happiness have to go so that I can be truly happy; I have to die to myself so that He can more fully live in me and I can more fully share Him with others (as Paul said...I must decrease so that He may increase); and as I mentioned in earlier posts, I'm still working on simplifying, on making room for the important things. I'm prioritizing and putting what matters first. It should be easy. It sounds easy. But we humans, we're a stubborn breed that get set in our ways and I am the first to admit to it. But I feel the change so deep in my soul that I cannot, willnot run from it, but straight at it.